I have to confess that I had a major and immediate blog hangover after posting my last piece.... worried that it was TMI... that people would see me as broken and turn away. It is actually a small miracle that I didn’t delete the post and, instead– following incredible advice from one of my best friends– chose to log-out for the day.
The next morning– over coffee– I was totally overwhelmed by the response... by the parade of others who have publicly and privately reached out with their own story of loss and healing. I spent the day listening... reading each carefully crafted and deeply felt word from this vast and brave collection of humanity, including one of my old softball teammates, my yoga students, college classmates, someone I once stood at the bus stop with in grade school, and many, many strangers that I will probably never get a chance meet in person.
What strikes me most is how different and similar all of our stories are at the same time. That in focus, they are robust with names and dates and heartfelt details and deep emotions, but from a distance, the narratives blur into one another like trees on the horizon when I don’t have my glasses, or the drishti gaze that I try to practice on my yoga mat... the act of softening my eyes on one point to give access to all points.
As I sat with the hundreds of accounts that found their way to me, I wanted to honor the details of each person’s story, so I took my time and gave them space to land... some made me cry, some made me smile... they all gave me hope. Then I let my gaze soften and tried to take in the whole, the collected experience of being alive in this particular way, and for the first time during this difficult personal struggle, I felt a true connection, a community that until recently was invisible to me. I am now so thankful that I found the courage to walk away from the delete button and even more grateful that so many others found the courage to reach out to me.
My hope is that this blog can serve as a forum of connection on this shared journey of becoming, that we can explore together the bitter and the sweet... the balancing act of being human.